Not Like That: The Criticism of Harris Is the Chorus of Our Lives

Time to hold the line

“It’s almost like she’s a woman, and nothing she does is going to be right.”

So said a friend of mine as we vented about the double standard that’s once again gripped media coverage of the election.

Just yesterday, CNN’s Jim Acosta pointed to Trump’s openly authoritarian comments and asked – “Has the Vice President not done enough to call it out? To go after it?”

One of his guests, Julie Roginsky, bluntly pushed back, saying: “I gotta be honest with you, Jim — THE MEDIA hasn’t done enough to call this out.”

A quick scan of the front pages of the Washington Post and New York Times confirmed that neither had front-page stories of flagrantly authoritarian and flat-out dangerous comments Trump made over the weekend.

Also yesterday a national political figure sent out a think piece, again referring to Trump’s authoritarian comments and claiming that Harris needs to do more to “take the fight to Trump.” This is “her test,” he announced, laying the future of the country at her feet. Missing from the piece was how to “take the fight to Trump,” when he refuses to meet her in the arena and is hiding from non-biased media outlets. Missing from his stark analysis was why what Harris has been doing – crisscrossing the country, appearing in both traditional and non-traditional media, and assisting in hurricane relief – isn’t exactly what she should be doing.

Rewind the tape to a few weeks ago, when the media constantly whined that Kamala Harris was not sitting down for enough interviews. Never mind that she took questions from local and national reporters on the tarmac as she flew from event to event. Never mind her punishing schedule – having to turn an entire presidential campaign around, rebrand/retool the Democratic National Convention, and coalesce the party in mere weeks.

The legacy press was big mad, and they made it known.

So she sat down with CNN, then MSNBC, then 60 Minutes, then did two in-depth interviews with Call Her Daddy (a podcast with millions of listeners) and Howard Stern (whose popularity is such that he needs no introduction) and a late-night appearance on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert.

The response? Continued whining that took many forms (wrong network, wrong tone, wrong audience, wrong image). But just like the claim that Harris isn’t sufficiently “taking the fight to Trump,” or is singularly responsible for convincing the population of the danger Trump poses … the criticisms can be distilled down to one simple complaint.

It’s a complaint that’s all too familiar to American women:

“Not like that.”

“Not like that” is the chorus of women’s lives.

From the time we can speak (and perhaps even before) girls are taught that there is a very specific needle that needs to be threaded, and we will be judged mightily if we do not perfectly thread that needle. We are made fully aware that we will be criticized for a misstep in either direction.

Do well in school. (But not like that, you might make boys uncomfortable.) Be attractive. (But not like that, you might lead boys to think the wrong thing.) Be successful. (But not like that. Don’t you ever want to get married?) Be warm. (But not like that. You look clingy.) Be firm. (But not like that. You’re a shrew.) Be loud. (But not like that. You’re shrill.) Be soft. (But not like that. Don’t you have confidence?) Be confident. (But not like that. My god, brag much?) Be humble. (But not like that. Don’t hide your accomplishments!)

It’s insidious and constant. It’s in magazines and church basements, locker rooms and board rooms. No one is immune.

Not even presidential nominees.

In 2016 the criticism of Hillary was so nonstop it was almost comedic. She was simultaneously too aloof and too approachable, too soft and too brash, too warm and too cold, too emotional and too robotic.

And now that we are seeing the same treatment of Kamala Harris, can we get a little recognition here? Can we all agree that the reason we haven’t had a woman president isn’t because we haven’t had qualified, exceptional women to choose from – but because we put women under withering, constant, and very public scrutiny?

Our expectations of women are just … higher.

We expect women to do more, be more, have more – perhaps because that’s how our society is structured. It’s how we function.

Sociologist Jessica Calarco once said that “Other countries have social safety nets. The U.S. has women.” She wasn’t wrong.

So perhaps demanding nothing less than (our preferred version of) perfection from our women presidential candidates comes from our belief that women’s role is as the catchalls of society. Women are expected to hold everything up effortlessly and with a chipper smile, so maybe it’s reasonable for folks to believe that we have a hidden gear.

After all, we always have Kleenex and gum in our purses, we’re able to throw dinner together in 20 minutes even if the fridge is bare, and we can create an entire human being in around ten months – so why isn’t it reasonable to think we’re like superheroes who against all odds can “take the fight to Trump” in the last scene and save democracy?

Honestly, considering everything Harris has accomplished in the three months since Biden stepped aside, you’d be forgiven for thinking she’s got a superpower. It’s honestly astonishing.

She has raised over a billion dollars, has amassed an unprecedented amount of bipartisan support, has consistently bettered where Biden was in the summer polls (she continues to lead in the popular vote), and cleaned Trump’s clock in the debate. Heck, her debate performance was widely considered one of the best in the modern era – and was so effective that he refuses to do another. Oh – and she’s crafted her own set of policies (with details).

Again – all of that in a little less than three months.

Now is not the time to criticize her for not divining a world in which Trump agrees to a second debate. It’s not the time to winge, or wring our hands, or frantically scour the surge of red-wave pollsters trying to flood the zone with bad news to drag you down.

Now is the time for us to call him out. It’s time for us to criticize the fraudster, convicted felon, sexual abuser, and authoritarian. It’s time for us to explain to everyone why he and his movement is – as Simon Rosenberg likes to say – the ugliest thing in American politics.

If we aren’t hearing enough about how his return to the Oval Office would be a disaster for the country, then we need to pick up an oar and help deliver the message. We are less than a month out from the election, friend. It’s time to hold the line.

It is beyond frustrating to be in a position where you do everything asked of you – and more – only to be told that you should have done something different, better, more *waves hands generally.* Harris has more than proven herself to be an exceptional candidate, more than up to the task at hand.

What’s yet to be proven is whether we are up to it.

You know, I struggled for a long time with whether to write this – in part because for a lot of women it’s like reading the water is wet, especially when it’s raining. But I decided to write about it anyway. Because even though I know I’m preaching to the converted, it’s important for us to shed some light on the biases that we all hold so that we can try to overcome them together.

The other reason I struggled with whether to write about this is because there’s a question of what we do about it. I absolutely hate presenting a problem without also providing a solution.

Here, with a problem as entrenched as societal misogyny, solutions are difficult to come by.

Awareness, understanding, empathy – that’s all helpful. But right now, we need something different. We need strength. We need resolve. We need solidarity.

Harris has made mistakes, and will make many more. That’s what leaders do whether they are politicians or heads of corporations or heads of families.

But the question in this election is not whether or not she will let us down. It’s whether we will let her down. She has done everything and more that she needed to do.

It’s up to us to lift her the rest of the way up, and in doing so show the women of this country that we’re not going to let this country go down that way.

Not like that.

Alright, friend. Let’s get to work.

Actions for the Week of October 15, 2024

Here’s the part where – if you are so inclined – we roll up our sleeves and engage in what I like to call Action Therapy. Each Tuesday I share a few “small things” – usually a Small Thing to Read, a Small Event to Attend, and a Small Call to Make or Action to Take. You can tuck these actions into your week with ease – and know that you’re doing something today to make tomorrow better.

Small Action to Take: Phone Bank on YOUR Schedule

Hat tip to the always-awesome Jessica Craven of

Chop Wood, Carry Water

for reminding me of this phone banking opportunity with the 2024 Victory National Call Crew. Attend a one-hour training and you can make calls into wherever the campaign needs it most. There are multiple dates and times offered for the training, and once you’re trained you can call on your own schedule.

This is great for those of us that don’t have a ton of time or have time in unexpected bursts. In 2016 I called for HRC while making dinner. No joke. (Multitasking moms unite!) Register here: https://events.democrats.org/event/551644

Small Thing(s) to Read:

This is an excellent article from the AP about the similarities between Trump’s agenda and Project 2025. It’s a good one to bookmark and share with people who are dubious about whether the Republican Party has truly embraced Project 2025.

Link: https://apnews.com/article/trump-project-2025-heritage-foundation-e2b1be71422f4afcfd4a397828f7cab6

And on that point, if you’re not already a subscriber to

Andra Watkins

How Project 2025 Will Ruin Your Life, go check it out and subscribe here.

Small Event to Attend:

Hat tip to the wonderful

Robert B. Hubbell

of Today’s Edition for including this event as an opportunity for reader engagement. He writes:

Please join the Media and Democracy Project on Wednesday, October 16, at 5:00 p.m. Pacific / 8 p.m. Eastern for a Zoom conversation and Q&A with former Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull. Turnbull has said: “I say this without any sense of hyperbole: I do not believe that there is any individual alive today that has done more damage to American democracy than Rupert Murdoch.”

We will discuss Turnbull’s perspective on the impacts of the Rupert Murdoch media empire: in Australia (where the Murdoch empire began), on undermining democracies, and on subverting essential efforts to address the climate crisis. There will be inspiration in hearing about efforts of Australians to fight back. Rupert Murdoch is not only a malign influence on American minds through his control of Fox N*ws, the New York Post, and Wall Street Journal, he wields a global media empire that can bring governments and political figures around the world to their knees. 

RSVP for the free Zoom event and submit a question in advance for the Q&A. 

The Media and Democracy Project is a grassroots, non-profit organization that engages people in activism for a better-informed America - in support of American democracy. Among many other initiatives, we are actively challenging a FOX-owned TV station’s broadcast license renewal at the FCC.

Thanks for reading, friend – I’m glad to see you here! If you love what I do and you want to support it, consider becoming a paid subscriber. It means a lot!