116 Comments

Girrrrrl! All of this. All of this times 100. Yes!

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💙💙💙 Solidarity, friend!

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Thank you for sharing this!

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As every woman can attest, we have all been in this situation. Repeatedly. Women are never allowed to simply exist, we are EXPECTED to do the thing. Whatever that thing may be. Even if it is saving the free world. There is always always the " But not like that" commentary. Sadly, this often is delivered by other women. The indoctrinated crowd of females who persist in keeping a score card to compete with... wait for it.. other women. Fortunately I have seen this aspect of cultural life for women changing and in a great way. My generation Jones/early GenX crowd are still sitting on the fence about most things, being the ignored middle child of generational archetypes. I am not one of them.

I am not sure why I am the way I am and though the story is long and convoluted, I'll keep it brief. Having lived with the "But you're a Woman! You shouldn't be/do/say/dress/speak/behave like that!" my entire existence on this blue marble, I can confidently say "Fuck that noise!" I said it then, and I am shouting it now. I am a certified and weaponized (The mouth on her! 🤯) Auntie of the first order. So if someone in my hearing ever speaks ill of VP Kamala Harris' actions or behavior, I always reply with, "Would you speak this way about her if she had a big dick? Cuz she is already wearing a suit!" You can imagine the conversation stopper this is, as intended. I like this method of so called, " shocking behavior" because it halts the ending part of that statement rarely said aloud any longer, but is still present in it's insistence; it is the " for a WOMAN" part. That is the unsaid part, but it is always present and more than implied.

I would like to say that I came up with this idea in some brilliant and heroic way, but I'm a woman after all, so it was messy and left me with a lot of clean up afterward..

It was in the ago of 1984. I was working as middle management for a large well regarded hotel chain. So naturally we held weekly meetings about meetings. ( instead of just getting to the actual tasks at hand.. but I digress). As always I came dressed to impress in the corporate sense and prepared. At once such meeting we had been tasked with suggestions regarding the remodeling of the dining room of the gourmet restaurant. My wheelhouse. I had consulted with the entire staff and even the chefs about proposed changes and ideas, seeking full input. I even went so far as to meet with the chief engineer and his team about ideas for restructuring the area from a construction/cost standpoint. Eventually we all hammered out a feasible plan, that was also cost/turn around time effective. I even prepared a presentation for "The Meeting".

The day of the meeting most of the men in suits waved their arms in the air, crafting 'concepts of plans' on the fly. Each nodding along in serious mien with considerable hems and haws between. When it was my turn, I stood and walked to the front of the table, handed out my prepared drawings ( done by the hotel's own engineers) and concept/art drawings. I was so proud of what my staff and team had accomplished. As I began outlining the steps to accomplish this, I was interrupted by one particularly odious man, by him waving the papers I had given him with a negligent air of distain. He said, " This is all well and good. But you're a woman! Why don't you just leave the complicated construction to the men, who understand these things better. You can pick the paint and fabrics..." He then tosses the papers to flutter onto the meeting table in dismissal and stands. Stating he had important meetings to get to and we had already covered all the most workable ideas..... ( "of concepts of a plan")

I was seething! But even worse, I was now on a mission! ( From Gawd! 😎 ). I calmly stood, gathered my work and exited the room with as much equanimity as i could muster in the moment. But I am built different; so into the shadows I must go!

Fast forward one week to the morning of the next meeting. Of course on the same topic because "concepts of a plan" just create more meetings. I come in wearing a full on suit with tie! Tailored? Certainly, because I am a woman not a heathen with ill fitting clothes. 😏 Carrying a briefcase with my same set of plans and another item, as insurance I would be listened to. I also invited the chief engineer, my head chef, and my maitre de as professional authorities in their areas.

I began the presentation and things went pretty smoothly for about 10 minutes, until I saw Mr. Odious glancing at his watch. Then he began a whispering campaign with the other men seated around him, until I was being utterly ignored by the decision makers. At this point I opened my briefcase and pulled out a very large purple dildo ( bought for the occasion. Because again, not a heathen.😉) I then raised my voice slightly saying, " Gentlemen! Can. You. Hear. Me. Now?" Punctuating each word with a slam on the table with my big ole dick..

|Complete silence ensued. The way those boys wearing grownass men's clothes were shocked! If they had been wearing pearls, they would have been clutched to dust. I simply smiled that feral look only dangerous women can call up with convincing authority. Then said, " Now I am going to hand over to our chief engineer to go over the construction details." As I walked, the long way around, back to my seat still prominently carrying "authority dick" I stopped my Mr. Odious' seat and casually tossed some paint and fabric samples in front of him. On my way out... yes that's right. I lost my job almost immediately afterwards, because butthurt egos. But I didn't care to work any longer in an environment where I would be used as a task horse, but not fully respected as a Human Woman with skills! Oh! Btw, the plans? Those got done. Almost to a T, and on time and budget I later found out.

So, when I tell you I Stan for VP ( soon to be President) Kamala Harris? That's the energy I am bringing. Every damned time! Count on it. Can we count on you? Please say Yes!

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Great story - much respect

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Stealing “authority dick”. Brilliant, simply brilliant.

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Most welcome to it. The authority part, I’ll leave the dick to your choosing. 😉 😂

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BIG KUDOS to you!!! Thank you for sharing this amazing story. I hope you are someplace where your talents and courage are valued and you are well compensated.

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Great story, I remember the 80s as well, and all the years in between with these kinds of shenanigans. The worst was working for women though, even more concerned about their own position/authority/money and owning the other women so they don't get supplanted by one of the underlings, letting the men above rake in the cash while they have the women scraping at each other - and that's post 2000 law and business. I was lucky early on to have great female mentors but it still didn't stop men and women undermining my work along the way until a group of 8 women rode out on EEOC lawsuits over "we need a man for this job" from the CEO after having offered it to a female colleague, and the new director being a trumpy type cleaning house to get rid of the overpaid women who built the business. Lives altered, careers ruined, money stolen, futures bent unrecognizable for a handful of 50+ women. And that trumpy transactional dickhead manager, who was a coke head anyway? Dead just a few yrs after that. Men should routinely be reminded that whatever they think they are taking for themselves now, they can't take with them when they are dead. I do the same when even my most dem female door knockers said things like, idk I just don't like KH. Give me a break. Vote MVPKH or get off my lawn!

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Love this energy! Sometimes we need to remind each other of just how horrible things were back in the “good ole days”. then use it as our cue to get in the, I mean business Sirs ! ponytail and behave like the high steppers we are.

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I've been thinking about your story and your comment re genX women sitting the fence...what does that look like from your view and any thoughts on why? I'm X and was never unaware of male privilege and our subservience, even subtle forms, and I resisted it because we were raised without male siblings. My Dad had all girls and he poured what he had into us, I'm the eldest of 3 and the least gender role compliant. He warned us about men, said they were pigs, though he wasn't...maybe it was unique for girls in the 70s to have a Dad like mine? Our sisters also had the chance to read Susan Faludi's Backlash...

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Sitting on the fence was meant more in the way that our generation straddled both the analog and technological world. The cusp if you will. With office skills being primary to the study of the new computers, this created an opportunity for women in the workplace to excel. Since women were largely relegated to ‘secretarial ‘ jobs and the mansplainers in charge were more than happy to let us play with the new “fancy calculators”: ( Not All men * regulatory disclaimer 😉)

So, I was left to choose between wowing them with the slick power point & rubbing it in their faces or sandbagging to keep the advantage in my court. As it turned out I chose violence that day, upon a boardroom table with my rubber mansplainer and they simply stole my ideas/ plans and ran with it. Leaving me feeling vindicated because my plans were far and away better than any other, but also mad at myself for tipping my hand and loosing not just a future advantage, but my position. Sitting on a professional fence was entirely new to me, having all those extra skills at my fingertips allowed me to think I could swagger with the boys, but probably would have been better keeping it on the low and continue tip tapping in heels all day.

Fortunately women speaking and performing with authority is far more accepted now. Then? You had to question if it was more advantageous to pretend to be a pretty accessory that kept things organized and offered her skills in service to the big men in charge, or to step up and illustrate leadership and capability.

The social aspects of this are still a puzzle to me. Because like yourself, my dad taught me everything. About cars, motorcycles, racing, engine repair, fishing ,knife skills & camping/survival stuff. This is all fantastic, until you outshine the guy you were interested in. Then suddenly you’re labeled “mannish” and no longer desirable as a partner. Or as a female you find male friends with similar interests and then find out that the interest you both have in common isn’t the one they are actually interested in. Then when you say you just want to do the activity together, like friends, suddenly they don’t like you any longer. Do you choose to stay on your designated side of the gender fence, or say screw it and let fly? It is obvious which side I landed on. 😁

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Thank you for sharing all that, and I completely agree, had the same experiences and had to tap out at 50 from the corporate world because it was ruining my health. It was hard to keep quiet if you knew better, and I did know better and did not keep quiet either. I don't think I was capable of sitting back, though I came to loathe meetings because they seemed like polling sessions where MGMT would just a) steal ideas and not give the thinkers the room to implement solutions or b) they would already have decided the path and were 'asking for feedback' to see who would be a roadblock. I got shelved in my 20s for telling a manager who was an idiot that his direction was illegal once and he interfered with other VPs over a transfer to another job. It was like this the whole time and there were no good choices at times while we watched stupid men fail upwards...

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You wrote the story of my life. I loved the sorrow of it: too smart, too blonde, too masculine if I showed my strength but such a lady, not enough, never quite right, always “Miss Perfect” and hated for that, too. The rules didn’t apply exactly to men, and were only enforced with women when men wanted. Thank you for your clarifying words.

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"Not enough, never quite right, always 'Miss Perfect' and hated for that, too." – I feel that in my soul. 💙

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Yesyesyesyesyesyesyes

And furthermore

Yes

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Oh, friend, this made me laugh out loud. 💙💙💙 I'm so glad it resonates. (But I'm also sorry that it resonates – so I guess you can say I'm sad/glad.)

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This seventy-something male cannot AGREE MORE; to paraphrase John Lewis, see or hear something, say something – call it out and do something. To stand idly by betrays, our children, our grandchildren, and their children for generations.

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This resonates entirely too much. If she were a man, none of this would be an issue :(

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Indeed, friend. I'm glad (but also sorry) it resonates. 💙

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That’s the truth 😡

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This is a very important perspective, and explains the thinking of many people. I like to think I'm enlightened, but have to admit to harboring some latent prejudices.

One thing that has impressed me about VP Harris is that she's not using her gender or racial identity to garner support. She's letting others do that. She's demonstrating that she is genuine, tough, and listening. That's a ton more than her opponent can claim.

We still have three weeks left in this campaign. I've never been more motivated, engaged, or involved in an election before. I look forward to looking back on her campaign and saying, "Just like that!"

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Nicely said, but I force myself to stifle my prejudices. Kamala is plain brilliant. Men split 52 Trump - 48 Biden. That gap will narrow. Women split 39 Trump - 53.6 Biden. That gap will widen. 10 million more women than men voters. That gap will grow to 12.7 million more women voters. Finally, 12.6 million Republicans will vote Democratic. See “Cellulite is God’s Gift” at Substack.com.

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BRAVO !!🎉🎉🎉🗳️💙🇺🇸💃🏽

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I am also older, white, male. For most of my adult life and earlier, I’ve - let me be frank - struggled to stay against the grain of how I’m supposed to think and act. At glance, I appear typical: white, male, straight. But I don’t check all those boxes. I’m gay; I’m straight-acting (mostly!).

One of the unrealistic things traditional society places on us is how we’re supposed to treat women and girls. There’s so many rules we make to keep women in line. The standards for the American Man are as bad as society’s expectations for women except the opposite. We walk a razor-thin narrow line of Male Image. It’s amazing how much being gay disqualifies me from being a ‘true man’ to homophobes.

Society expects too much from men but the impossible from women. We men seem to be control freaks. But there’s also a disturbing aggressive streak. Towards anyone, but much more towards girls and women. It conflicts with the respect and politeness I was taught. It’s a dysfunctional mess and I could go on forever about it.

I’m aware I appear menacing to women just because I’m male. I see this all the time now. When I’m in a store looking at items in an aisle, walking to my car, everywhere. I appear standard but maybe that’s why. What I can do to be visually non-threatening, I don’t have a clue. Even when I smile. I’m one guy but I’m still determined to make a difference.

Tomorrow I’m delivering two mail-in ballots to the Supervisor of Elections for verification: mine and my husband’s. You can be sure our votes are for Kamala and Tim, and Blue down the ballot.

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I would like to offer some hope for the future. In the past 20 years, although we have taken steps backwards recently, young women have gone farther than I ever could have. I was the only woman engineer in Construction for years, decades. One college prof told the 3 women out of 100 people, don’t bother me with questions, you are just going to get married and have babies anyway. I retired as a Director of Infrastructure & Utilities of a major organization. I have mentored many young women, and seen some of them become executives! Now, half the college grads are women. Construction is still mostly men, but there are women! But most of all, women have been raising their daughters to be strong and capable with power! And we have also raised men that know women as equals, as partners, bosses, teachers. I have two grown sons. They have two wonderful strong female partners. One son has repeatedly worked for women and loves working for women. They respect women’s bodies and the awesomeness and responsibility of reproduction. I don’t care what people say about gender x,y,z, whatever. I am excited to see the future they will bring!

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You have the chance to put it right, go vote!

Vote as soon as you can. Do it.

Btw, another male politican (NJ) now wants her to show how she will bridge the fractures in America…

You can’t make it up.

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Oh my goodness my head nearly exploded.

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Thanks for this clarity. So vital.

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Thank you, Hans! 💙

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I will share this, it is so well-written and I know resonates with the women in my life. I’m so discouraged at our media. In 2008, I wondered with others if racism or sexism was more damaging (Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama). They are both insidious parts of our caste system so it’s not really fair to rank them, but you certainly show the tentacles of sexism’s reach. As an aging white man, I’m trying to do better here on all those counts but I know there’s still so much I miss. Your writing (and Jess Piper’s last week with the camping episode) are clarifying and down-to-earth.

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Oh gosh, Hans – thank you for this. Both for your kind words, and for your efforts. It means a lot. 💙💙💙

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Thanks for deciding to write this article. It needs to be shouted from the rooftops!

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Hey ladies, maybe this coming weekend would be a good time to get together with the homegirls for a Barbie pre-voting watch party. Watch the movie in the morning and head for the polls in the afternoon, or have a slumber party to watch in the evening and then hit early voting in the morning. Barbie is voting for Kamala. I can guarantee it.

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I could not love this idea more!!

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I invited my neighbors over for dinner tonight and talked politics. They didn't know some of the things Trump has said and were shocked when I told them. They were horrified when I pointed out the similarities between what Trump says and what Hitler said. They were undecided when they came in. They are voting for Kamala now!

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abso-effin-lutely, Michele. that said -- I think VP Harris is doing an outstanding job of calling TFG out on his misogyny, vice, unhingedness, etc.--in fact she astonishes me every single day. WHY didn't we-all think of this (electing a poised, articulate Black woman as President of the US) before?? But, G-d willing, we're finally getting there now.

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Makes me hopeful to seeing “some” women pushing back on the bullshit. It would be nice if more men did.

I just returned from a trip to SE Asia where three of the four countries I visited were primarily Buddhist countries. In none of the three were women considered at the same level as men. For example, women were not allowed to be Buddhist monks.

I listened to the rationalizations for this. Total BS IMO.

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We appreciate the men that stand up and speak out. And those who, like Joe, lift women up intentionally. Joe has been an incredibly consequential president. Not just in what he's done, but in what he's empowered others to do.

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