Done Playing By Their Rules
From my front door to red districts
A few years ago, I heard the doorbell ring. Once, then again, and then a few seconds later, again. I thought maybe something was wrong, so I came down the stairs to look out the window.
On the front porch were three or four people, in church clothes, holding Bibles.
My front door has a panel of windows, and I was spied before I could retreat into the kitchen. They smiled, expectantly.
I sighed.
But then my eyes landed on the radiator by the front door, where I had left a stack of voter registration forms and my clipboard. As I unlatched the front door, I grabbed my clipboard.
“I’m so glad to see you!” I said as I opened the door. “Tell me, are you registered to vote?”
Their smiles vanished.
Over the weekend I learned that a friend of mine has begun to ask door-to-door solicitors who they voted for in the last election. If you want her to buy your windows or hire you to fix her roof you’ll need to be someone she wants to spend her money with.
That might feel bold – maybe even aggressive. But then again, we’re taught from early on that it’s not polite to talk about religion or politics. Those conversations have too much potential to be emotionally charged and divisive. So we keep them tucked away – off of our doorsteps, out of our business dealings, out of polite company.
And some people – who do not have the best intentions – have practically weaponized that compliance, that politeness.
They’ve been knocking on our proverbial doors for years. They’ve been in our school board meetings and our statehouses and our hospitals and our libraries – deciding what our kids can read, what our doctors can say and who they can treat, what our bodies are allowed to do.
So while we were busy being polite and non-confrontational, they got to work.
But these days, I’m seeing a whole lot of people who are done being polite.
You see it everywhere once you start looking, especially in my work with Red State Democrats. The list of “don’t dos” is pretty long.
Don’t run in that district – you’ll lose. Don’t dress like that – you’ll look unserious. Don’t be too progressive – you need to cater to everyone. Don’t knock on that door if they’re not on the right list – you’ll waste your time. Don’t “waste” your money on these races that are going to lose – you’re stealing resources from the races that matter.
We internalized these unspoken rules and started enforcing them on ourselves before anybody even asked us to. We’re censoring ourselves before we even open our mouths.
Yesterday a friend told me about a rural candidate in a super red district who said he was annoyed that he had to wear a suit. Because my friend is not necessarily a rule follower herself (she and I are truly kindred spirits), she asked him why he felt like he needed to. Nobody in that town is wearing a suit. The candidate looks uncomfortable in one. He was wearing it because someone told them that’s what a credible candidate looks like. But credible to who? Maybe to the people who write the rules.
But not to the voters standing in front of them. And at the end of the day, those are the people who matter. And voters can feel the distance between who a person is and how they are showing up. They might not say it outright, but they feel that disconnect – that inauthenticity – and they don’t trust it.
How could we ask them to?
* * *
Yesterday I talked to Kate Barr of Can’t Win Victory Fund; Kate made national news when she ran for state senate in North Carolina by breaking the rule that you’re not supposed to talk about why you can’t win your race.
Her entire campaign was centered on the impossibility of winning her race because of how effectively it’s been gerrymandered. Suddenly “Kate Can’t Win” was winning over Democrats all across the country, and bringing much needed attention to the surgical precision of 21st century gerrymandering.
Now she’s taken that model and is using it to train others who are running in “unwinnable” districts. They help candidates run in the districts everyone else has written off not despite the odds, but in full, honest, technicolor view of them.
After all, what do you have to lose when you know you’re going to lose?
You can run for broke – as a real, authentic (even quirky) person with real values and a real point of view who shows up in their own community. And when you “lose” a race that you’ve run like that, you don’t actually lose.
You’ve made people feel seen – maybe for the first time in cycles. You’ve connected volunteers and neighbors; you’ve started building back the infrastructure that was probably last tended to in the ‘90s. You’ve broken the rule that says “Democrats don’t run here,” and “good people aren’t Democrats.”
You’ve made it normal for someone like you to run in a place like that.
All that incredible progress – because you stopped following an unwritten rule about how things should be done.
And that’s the through-line of what I was thinking about this week – how much can be different when we challenge the assumptions we have, and the rules that have been handed down.
Me and my clipboard flipping the script on people who want to proselytize. My friend asking door-to-door salespeople their political views before she hires them. The candidates and the organizations that find and fund and support the people running in “can’t win” places.
All questioning this assumption that our space – whether it’s a door, or a dollar, or a district – is safe territory for people who want to impose their politics on our lives while we keep ours politely to ourselves.
And reminding us that we don’t have to keep playing on the turf they drew, by the rules they drafted, and with their express permission.
We have a choice. We get to decide whether or not to keep living inside a set of rules that are designed to keep us quiet, compliant, and two steps behind.
I don’t know about you. But I’m done playing by the rules.
P.S. Keep your clipboard by the front door.
Alright, friend. Let’s get to work.
Actions for the Week of March 24, 2026
Friend, things may be heavy – but you can lighten that load by doing something small – a “small deed” – to bring about the world that you want to see. I call it Action Therapy.
That’s why in each Tuesday post I share a few “small things” – usually a Small Thing to Read, a Small Event to Attend, and a Small Call to Make or Action to Take. My intention here is to give you actions you can tuck into your week with ease – and know that you’re doing something today to make tomorrow better.
Join me in doing so. It matters.
Small Event to Attend: No Kings!
Well friends, the big day has arrived! On Saturday, March 28th, we’ll see the next big national No Kings rallies. Go to this website to see what events are happening near you locally.
And here’s a great brand kit from Indivisible: https://brandfolder.com/indivisibleproject/nokings/
A special note? If you go to a No Kings event and decide to share your images on social media, please note where the event is taking place and approximate rally size so that folks like me who are hope-scrolling can amplify you!
And a special request if your rally is in a small town or a red state – in your caption note the name of your town/county and the town’s population if you know it. When folks hear about 150 people protesting in a town of 2,000 people that voted for Trump by 45 points, they’re rightly inspired! By providing that kind of info, you make it easier to share.
Small Thing to Read: KFF Poll on ACA Costs
Well, the impact of the ACA costs are in, and they are as bad as we said they’d be. I highly, highly recommend reading this whole piece by KFF – which describes the impact of the increased costs. Frankly, they’re damning:
A majority (55%) of returning Marketplace enrollees say they are (or will be) cutting back spending on food or basic household items because of ACA costs.
A 34-year-old man living in Texas put it this way: “The prices are simply too high. $800/month for the absolute cheapest plan for two people. Our income is $120k, so we don’t qualify for subsidies in Texas. I don’t think we could afford our mortgage if I had to pay for health insurance. $800/month is 8 self pay doctors visits a month. If I have a catastrophic health event it makes more sense for me to just declare bankruptcy than it would be to be delinquent on other payments.”
registered voters say that the cost of health care will have a major impact on their decision to vote (48%) and which candidate they will support (49%).
And lastly – you might remember that I was harping on the likelihood that Republicans were trying to spike a “death spiral” by driving young people out of the market. Well, it’s happening: “Notably, half (49%) of younger 2025 Marketplace enrollees between the ages of 18 and 29 report having left the Marketplace entirely, including 14% who say they are currently uninsured. … Significant shares of younger adults having left the Marketplace in 2026 is consistent with previous KFF policy analysis on the expiration of the enhanced tax credits, which attributes part of this year’s increases to insurers anticipating healthier (e.g. younger) adults exiting the Marketplace, creating an enrollee base that is more expensive on average.”
There’s more where that came from, including call out boxes with quotes from poll takers – which absolutely tear at your heart. But these quotes in particular felt important to share:
In Their Own Words: How do you feel about Congress letting the enhanced premium tax credits for the Affordable Care Act (ACA) expire?
“Angry. They get affordable good coverage even when they aren’t doing ANYTHING. We struggle to pay for health insurance. And they gut the ACA without offering any alternative.” – 60-year-old independent woman, California
“Evil on the part of republicans. Absolutely ineffectual on the part of democrats.” – 33-year-old Democratic man, Washington
“It’s a disgrace that families are being put in this position to chose between health insurance and all other household needs.” – 42-year-old Democratic woman, Pennsylvania
“It could hurt some people but the impact to me is minimal.” – 56-year-old independent man, California
“There should have been a gradual decrease versus a sudden cut off or more communication so that people could prepare as needed and advocate where possible.” – 44-year-old Democratic woman, California
“I feel as if it’s unfair to those who make too much to be able to receive Medicaid. We are getting penalized for making more money than poverty level.” – 26-year-old independent woman, Florida
“It has had a major financial impact on my already financially stressed household as I am fully disabled in a wheelchair and unable to work and also unable to receive disability or social security.” – 58-year-old Republican woman, Texas
Go read the whole thing here! Cost Concerns and Coverage Changes: A Follow-Up Survey of ACA Marketplace Enrollees
Small Action to Take: Join Rural GroundGame to Help Boost Turnout in Virginia!
Rural GroundGame is one of my very favorite organizations and right now, they’re working on turning out the vote for the Vote YES redistricting campaign. Early vote has been a little slow, so we need to pitch in to help.
From the event description:
At President Trump’s direction, several Republican-controlled legislatures have redrawn or are in the process of redrawing their congressional maps to maximize partisan advantage.
Virginia Democrats have introduced a temporary, emergency measure to fight back. We’re calling voters to encourage them to Fight Back and Vote YES on or before April 21.
Join Rural GroundGame and our friends at Commit to Democracy as we work together to reach Virginia voters and encourage them to Fight Back and Vote YES in the April 21st special election. We’ll be using RGG’s Scale to Win Dialer. Training and ongoing support will be available from the team at Commit to Democracy during each of these events.
Please note event times are Pacific Standard Time (PST). Equal to 6pm- 8pm Eastern Standard Time (EST).
Here’s the link! https://www.mobilize.us/ruralgroundgame/event/908002/
There are many other ways to help the VA election – my good friends at Network NOVA/Virginia Grassroots have put together this great webpage to make it easy for you to find ways to pitch in: https://www.virginiagrassroots.org/voteYES/voteyes_resources.php
Thanks for reading, friend – I’m glad to see you here! You’re making a difference, I promise.
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Note: Not my front door, but close enough. ;)
Couldn't agree more about the small town No Kings events!
Priceless solution to the angst of door knocking biblical solicitation.
Brava👏🏼