I did the same thing. There was no way I could just show up at Thanksgiving with a smile on my face and do the vast majority of the work for folks who chose this. And this isn't a situation where people are working class, or merely misinformed. This was a choice. And I can't just UN-KNOW that. It costs too much to pretend.
Protect yourself and those close to you. I believe you are making the right choice. I have extended family members who voted for him. They post all kinds of bs on their SM pages about how great he is and will support the middle class. 🙄 One of them benefited from the Biden student loan forgiveness. I mean…. So, it might sound crazy to some of you, but I’m going to spend the holiday with some black bears I’ve known for more than 10 years. One mom and her 2 cubs and I’ll hike to see another expecting(Jan 2025) mother as she’s been preparing her winter den in the forest. I’ll be surrounded by the sound of nature instead of ignorance. I hope you and your family have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Wow. I love your post. And I understand it completely. I have cut off so many extended family members and I do not regret it. Some of them do not even know they've been cut off yet. I am attending a very small Thanksgiving dinner with sympatico family members: the 'black bears' of my family.
I know you will have a lovely Thanksgiving. I'm grateful for you, my friend.
I don’t see any point in breaking bread with people who find room in their hearts for the hate, fear, and misogyny of Trump. They are defensive and annoying because they know deep in their souls that they are wrong. So they have to drown out your voice as well as their conscience’ quiet whisper, hence their frantic loud insistence that THEY ARE RIGHT, LIBS ARE WRONG.
I completely support your decision. It's honestly the only option left in a situation like this. We need to surround ourselves with people who care enough not to vote against our wellbeing. I wish you a loving and peace filled Thanksgiving.
My three closest relatives voted for him, and even though I really tried to help my parents see what they were voting for, they refused to listen to me. I knew they’d never listen, but I had to try. I’m still in shock and angry, and am having a really hard time being around my MAGA relatives. Luckily for us, we’re headed to spend Thanksgiving with my in-laws, who have the same values we have. It will be peaceful. Thank you for this peace. It really resonates with how I’m feeling. I don’t need to feel guilty for leaving my family, and I’m grateful we have somewhere “safe” to go.
I just realized that I wrote “thank you for this peace” when I thought I’d written “thank you for this piece”, and I now realize that the way I wrote it is totally appropriate and accurate. Thanks again! I hope you have a peaceful holiday, as well. 💙
I will be spending Thanksgiving alone for the third or fourth year for similar but different reasons. When I think about the historical first Thanksgiving and who the Puritans were, I’m OK with it.
Michele! What a powerful post! I no longer see/speak to my in-laws since they defended Trump during Thanksgiving in 2016, so I know how you feel. They are now completely lost down the rabbit hole of misinformation and conspiracy theories as they, and so many others, make excuses for their poor choices. I am reposting this comment from another site:
"Alexie Navalny begins his autobiography, Patriot, by saying he learned to be direct. I agree. JD Vance was direct when he called Trump America’s Hitler. Perhaps Trump is also America’s Ayatollah. We need to be direct so we remember what we are fighting for and know what we are up against. Navalny’s last words, 'You are not allowed to give up.' “
I do not excuse Trump voters because, in my estimation, they support America's Hitler, and even using that language, many would continue to support him because underwriting Trump and his followers is white and male entitlement and the incredibly harmful ideology of white and male supremacy. I do not apologize or regret turning away.
For us, the most common choice of the local Chinese restaurant – one of only two restaurants in town open on Thanksgiving Day and for much the same reason. Bless you, Michele, for all you are doing.
I began shunning MAGAs in 2019. As for family, I had already begun to distance myself. That distance has grown immensely around this election. I am now far far away and unlikely to return anytime soon.
You are doing the right thing. I’m forgoing Thanksgiving with my family with year because of my Trumper brother (and two other Trumper members). It could very well be our mother’s last Thanksgiving, but I’m still too angry at my brother’s stupidity and am afraid I won’t be able to control my anger. When I expressed genuine concern about that man’s health the week he turned the town hall into a “dance party”, my brother’s response was “Kamala’s a dummy.” And that was *after* I tried to educate him about Project 2025 and other aspects of a second term. His some “news” source is Fox and it’s because it supports his beliefs, which are clearly antithetical to my own.
It’s exhausting. Emotionally taxing. I’m so sorry, but I’m glad you are prioritizing your own sanity this year. I wish you a very happy Thanksgiving. 💙
Thanks for your thoughtful response. I know there are lots of different ways that people can deal with family and politics; I'm glad you are able to be clear in your choice this year. I have the pleasure of being in a mostly-aligned family, so I sympathize with all the different choices people need to make at Thanksgiving. There is a long road ahead, and lots of community to build in different ways.
I think that’s the test Michele. Are we at peace with our decision? One of the videos I watched recently showed a women telling her soon to be ex- friend she did not understand why people were not inviting her to TG celebrations and in fact no longer wanted to be contacted by her “you voted against the safety and future of my 3 little girls and that I can’t accept” she had been told. Wow. The friend hearing the complaint then also went on to tell her “you voted against their children’s safety so I understand their position. In fact I feel that your choice has shown me your true heart and that we are not in agreement either. I mean you no ill will however we won’t be friends anymore either.
“Shown me your true heart!” Wow; classy lady. Leaving a 13 year relationship with no ill will but definitely with the conviction of her values and beliefs,however regretfully.
She knows what’s right for her and follows her conviction, in peace. Choices have consequences and she’s ready to accept hers. Thank you for this thoughtful discussion Michele. It helps to settle the situation.
We have 17 people for this Thanksgiving and in that mix is one Trumpet, my SIL. She’s solely invited so the we can enjoy seeing my brother and nephew. One concession required, no talking of politics at all. This will in fact impact the other 16 of us as it’s still raw enough that we could use some commiseration on the personal loss we’ve all experienced. Such is life in the year 2024 AD. ☮️
I feel your pain and frustration. Breaking bread with my red hatted relatives and going along to get along is not going to be easy. In fact I may just feign illness and not go. These people are rabid (as is my husband) trumpers, totally brainwashed by right wing media propaganda. I don’t offer any opinions but they can see by my postings that I am not with them, particularly on women’s issues. I know that I’m not alone in this dilemma.
Thank you Linda, we’re right there with you. Wish we could help more. I just couldn’t do it. I admire your ability to be present though.
I just refuse to discuss politics with the one trumper in our group. It’s well known im an activist however I don’t want to cause any group tension so I don’t react to her attempts to goad me into any discussions. It works for me bc I love the rest of group and we share values. But to be surrounded; eke! Hopefully you find peace in the middle of such storms!🙏🏻 🇺🇸🇺🇸
I did fine…thank goodness there was a football game Lions vs Bears so that was a good buffer. I love my family but I will never understand how the vote against their best interests. Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving.
Glad to hear Linda! I had w wonderful peace filled TG with my peppy 95.y.o. mom and youngest daughter. My husband was traveling and the rest of family off to different areas but I was thankful all healthy and safe enjoying their holiday. All the best🇺🇸
Thank you for sharing this message Michele. I too am struggling in the way you describe, unable to extend grace to family members making what I believe to be immoral, illiberal choices that will likely impact my life in serious ways. My wife (also a Michele with one “L”) is seemingly able to find peace and “shine her light on their cracks.”
I see the beauty and grace in her path, and yet I’m still unable to get there, for now.
I did the same thing. There was no way I could just show up at Thanksgiving with a smile on my face and do the vast majority of the work for folks who chose this. And this isn't a situation where people are working class, or merely misinformed. This was a choice. And I can't just UN-KNOW that. It costs too much to pretend.
"It costs too much to pretend." That, right there. Exactly that.
Protect yourself and those close to you. I believe you are making the right choice. I have extended family members who voted for him. They post all kinds of bs on their SM pages about how great he is and will support the middle class. 🙄 One of them benefited from the Biden student loan forgiveness. I mean…. So, it might sound crazy to some of you, but I’m going to spend the holiday with some black bears I’ve known for more than 10 years. One mom and her 2 cubs and I’ll hike to see another expecting(Jan 2025) mother as she’s been preparing her winter den in the forest. I’ll be surrounded by the sound of nature instead of ignorance. I hope you and your family have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Do you need someone to carry your gear? Because that sounds amazing! I hope you have a wonderful trip – say hello to mama bear for us.
Thank you, Michele!
Wow. I love your post. And I understand it completely. I have cut off so many extended family members and I do not regret it. Some of them do not even know they've been cut off yet. I am attending a very small Thanksgiving dinner with sympatico family members: the 'black bears' of my family.
I know you will have a lovely Thanksgiving. I'm grateful for you, my friend.
I don’t see any point in breaking bread with people who find room in their hearts for the hate, fear, and misogyny of Trump. They are defensive and annoying because they know deep in their souls that they are wrong. So they have to drown out your voice as well as their conscience’ quiet whisper, hence their frantic loud insistence that THEY ARE RIGHT, LIBS ARE WRONG.
I completely support your decision. It's honestly the only option left in a situation like this. We need to surround ourselves with people who care enough not to vote against our wellbeing. I wish you a loving and peace filled Thanksgiving.
Thank you, Elizabeth! I hope you have a wonderful holiday as well. 💙
My three closest relatives voted for him, and even though I really tried to help my parents see what they were voting for, they refused to listen to me. I knew they’d never listen, but I had to try. I’m still in shock and angry, and am having a really hard time being around my MAGA relatives. Luckily for us, we’re headed to spend Thanksgiving with my in-laws, who have the same values we have. It will be peaceful. Thank you for this peace. It really resonates with how I’m feeling. I don’t need to feel guilty for leaving my family, and I’m grateful we have somewhere “safe” to go.
I'm glad you have somewhere, too! Have a wonderful and happy – and peaceful – holiday. You deserve it. 💙
I just realized that I wrote “thank you for this peace” when I thought I’d written “thank you for this piece”, and I now realize that the way I wrote it is totally appropriate and accurate. Thanks again! I hope you have a peaceful holiday, as well. 💙
I will be spending Thanksgiving alone for the third or fourth year for similar but different reasons. When I think about the historical first Thanksgiving and who the Puritans were, I’m OK with it.
PS, I do not see you as a horrible person but a person who suffers because they care. I know how that feels.
Solidarity, friend. 💙
Our responses can be different but still grounded in love on our ongoing path. Blessings however you mark this time
Michele! What a powerful post! I no longer see/speak to my in-laws since they defended Trump during Thanksgiving in 2016, so I know how you feel. They are now completely lost down the rabbit hole of misinformation and conspiracy theories as they, and so many others, make excuses for their poor choices. I am reposting this comment from another site:
"Alexie Navalny begins his autobiography, Patriot, by saying he learned to be direct. I agree. JD Vance was direct when he called Trump America’s Hitler. Perhaps Trump is also America’s Ayatollah. We need to be direct so we remember what we are fighting for and know what we are up against. Navalny’s last words, 'You are not allowed to give up.' “
I do not excuse Trump voters because, in my estimation, they support America's Hitler, and even using that language, many would continue to support him because underwriting Trump and his followers is white and male entitlement and the incredibly harmful ideology of white and male supremacy. I do not apologize or regret turning away.
For us, the most common choice of the local Chinese restaurant – one of only two restaurants in town open on Thanksgiving Day and for much the same reason. Bless you, Michele, for all you are doing.
Thank you Dan! Have a wonderful holiday. 💙
Completely understand. My spouse and I are doing more friendsgiving these days with those who can also see. We also mourn the loss of family to Maga.
I feel that – and I'm so sorry. Solidarity, friend. 💙
I began shunning MAGAs in 2019. As for family, I had already begun to distance myself. That distance has grown immensely around this election. I am now far far away and unlikely to return anytime soon.
You are doing the right thing. I’m forgoing Thanksgiving with my family with year because of my Trumper brother (and two other Trumper members). It could very well be our mother’s last Thanksgiving, but I’m still too angry at my brother’s stupidity and am afraid I won’t be able to control my anger. When I expressed genuine concern about that man’s health the week he turned the town hall into a “dance party”, my brother’s response was “Kamala’s a dummy.” And that was *after* I tried to educate him about Project 2025 and other aspects of a second term. His some “news” source is Fox and it’s because it supports his beliefs, which are clearly antithetical to my own.
It’s exhausting. Emotionally taxing. I’m so sorry, but I’m glad you are prioritizing your own sanity this year. I wish you a very happy Thanksgiving. 💙
And to you also.
Thanks for your thoughtful response. I know there are lots of different ways that people can deal with family and politics; I'm glad you are able to be clear in your choice this year. I have the pleasure of being in a mostly-aligned family, so I sympathize with all the different choices people need to make at Thanksgiving. There is a long road ahead, and lots of community to build in different ways.
So true - I wish my choice could be different, but I'm at peace with my decision. I hope you have a wonderful holiday! 💙
I think that’s the test Michele. Are we at peace with our decision? One of the videos I watched recently showed a women telling her soon to be ex- friend she did not understand why people were not inviting her to TG celebrations and in fact no longer wanted to be contacted by her “you voted against the safety and future of my 3 little girls and that I can’t accept” she had been told. Wow. The friend hearing the complaint then also went on to tell her “you voted against their children’s safety so I understand their position. In fact I feel that your choice has shown me your true heart and that we are not in agreement either. I mean you no ill will however we won’t be friends anymore either.
“Shown me your true heart!” Wow; classy lady. Leaving a 13 year relationship with no ill will but definitely with the conviction of her values and beliefs,however regretfully.
She knows what’s right for her and follows her conviction, in peace. Choices have consequences and she’s ready to accept hers. Thank you for this thoughtful discussion Michele. It helps to settle the situation.
We have 17 people for this Thanksgiving and in that mix is one Trumpet, my SIL. She’s solely invited so the we can enjoy seeing my brother and nephew. One concession required, no talking of politics at all. This will in fact impact the other 16 of us as it’s still raw enough that we could use some commiseration on the personal loss we’ve all experienced. Such is life in the year 2024 AD. ☮️
Godspeed! I'll be thinking of you. I hope you're able to have a joyful and meaningful holiday. 💙
I feel your pain and frustration. Breaking bread with my red hatted relatives and going along to get along is not going to be easy. In fact I may just feign illness and not go. These people are rabid (as is my husband) trumpers, totally brainwashed by right wing media propaganda. I don’t offer any opinions but they can see by my postings that I am not with them, particularly on women’s issues. I know that I’m not alone in this dilemma.
Godspeed, friend. It’s heartbreaking. 💙
Thank you Linda, we’re right there with you. Wish we could help more. I just couldn’t do it. I admire your ability to be present though.
I just refuse to discuss politics with the one trumper in our group. It’s well known im an activist however I don’t want to cause any group tension so I don’t react to her attempts to goad me into any discussions. It works for me bc I love the rest of group and we share values. But to be surrounded; eke! Hopefully you find peace in the middle of such storms!🙏🏻 🇺🇸🇺🇸
I did fine…thank goodness there was a football game Lions vs Bears so that was a good buffer. I love my family but I will never understand how the vote against their best interests. Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving.
Glad to hear Linda! I had w wonderful peace filled TG with my peppy 95.y.o. mom and youngest daughter. My husband was traveling and the rest of family off to different areas but I was thankful all healthy and safe enjoying their holiday. All the best🇺🇸
I am 100% certain my entire immediate family except my husband and daughter voted for the barnacle, and did the last time, too.
Thank you for sharing this message Michele. I too am struggling in the way you describe, unable to extend grace to family members making what I believe to be immoral, illiberal choices that will likely impact my life in serious ways. My wife (also a Michele with one “L”) is seemingly able to find peace and “shine her light on their cracks.”
I see the beauty and grace in her path, and yet I’m still unable to get there, for now.
Wishing you peace in your journey.